As the author of the soon-to-be released, the Mommy Toolbox, I have lived inside the internal torture of blaming myself for everything. I blame myself for the father I chose for my child; for the hurt and pain caused by said father upon my child; for the hurt and pain i personally caused my child from the lack of preparedness, lack of education, financial stability, fulfillment of my dreams, which distracted me from being laser focused on creating a bond with my child. I see the future of our children through the lens of this heartache and identify in a small and meaningless way to the depth of regret, pain and heartache this mother is destined to shoulder as the Mother of the Minneapolis Trans shooter. The Wednesday occurrence was sadly a very familiar event in this country. This alone is too much to bear. As the consummate optimist, I am task with solutions to this crisis, and for me, this begins with how was this child mothered. Now, while I leave NO excuses for the father in this and all scenarios and the important role played, I focus on the mother for two reasons: As an abused child of both mother and father, 1. I stand in agreement with Dr. Spirit, a well-known counselor who stated the following on one of the many podcasts she frequents: People believe that the level of a child’s contentment and ability to thrive is connected to the presence of the father, however, the ultimate predictor of a child’s health and emotional stability is directed connected to the happiness of the mother. 2. As the parent connected to the child by way of the umbilical cord, the actual physical connection between mother and child is like no other, therefore, the influence and need for validation and more lies heavily on the shoulders of the mom.